PULL OUT THE DAMN SWORD
THE FORK IN THE ROAD is real.
Can I just tell you guys.... as someone who over the past six years has tried everything in her power to be better, do better and live better... I feel like the past 2 of those 6 years have been a giant failure.
You might be wondering why I feel this way ( or you may have already tuned out to this message...lol ) but the truth is... it's because i'm human.
The past 2 years have been challenging on almost every emotional level possible. They haven't been physically debilitating... just mentally. It's taken me a long time to get the courage to write this, but I'm sure, someone out there beneath the pale moon light ( reference anyone?) Is going to relate and refuel because of it.
I feel like I went on this amazing journey from 2011 until 2015 where momentum, energy, change, drive, motivation, focus and work consumed my being. In 2015 I came to a crossroad and have been stuck there ever since.
On one side of the road is my potential, my belief, my vision, my hopes, wants & dreams. All of the things that I fantasize about, strategize about and wish with all my heart I could believe in enough to bring them to fruition.
On the other side, is my current reality. It's my lack of confidence, leadership & direction. It's my fear, my hesitance, my obstacles and my inhibition. It's all consuming.
It might seem like an easy thing to take the path of least resistance and give into that reality, but it's actually SO much harder to navigate the ruts then to take the sometimes unknown, bumpy road to something new.
You see.... at the end of my reality, there is no surprise. There is no "what if" or "what else", it just "is". I know exactly what the end of this road looks like. At the end of the other road, all I can do is imagine what I will come upon and eventually where I will end up. It feels adventurous, wild & scary. Because I have no map, no ability to prepare for what's to come or how to navigate it, it causes me great hesitation and fear.
Am I capable? Am I prepared? Am I willing to take the risk and make this journey. "No risk, no reward" resounds in my mind over and over as I think about why I have been unable to choose the path that I KNOW in my heart I want to take. For whatever reason, I feel a lack of spiritual guidance in this matter, which to be honest, has been the most confusing aspect.
As I write this, I feel clarity on this point. God can't help me make the choice. I have too. All he can do is support and affirm that decision. So here I stand, like the boy from the sword and the stone. Except my sword is a fork and my stone is my own two feet.
Will I continue to fear and feel that the sword isn't meant for me? Or will I embrace it, give it all my might & discover my true calling and potential in life?
As I take a moment to "coach myself" today, I find myself realizing that my lack of spiritual guidance (more like spiritual confidence) to take the path I want most, instead settle for what I feel Im capable of right now, stems from my indecision.
Peace can never come in Limbo. Once a decision is made, one way or the other, the peace will come in that decision and we are able to embrace, cope & plan for the outcome.
It's time to just stop
questioning myself and pull out the damn sword.
With the fork pulled, the path becomes clear. This is MY road. It's not the easiest one, or the prettiest. It's bumpy and winding and gives you no preview to the end. it is however, wide, bright and open. It is hopeful, focused and purposeful. It has intention, destination & strength for those who are brave enough to wander it.
Find YOUR path. visualize it. Pretend that this road is JUST for you. Begin lift your foot off the ground, one in front of the other and slowly but surely you'll begin to move in a forward direction down the road you were born to lead.